I remember the exact moment I fell in love with my boyfriend, Josh. It was December 2019, and we were on our fifth date in the four months we’d known each other. That’s how we rolled back then, and that Thursday evening we were seeing each other for the first time in almost two months.
We were sitting on the patio of a nice-ish restaurant in Glendale that has since closed and been replaced by another. We’d just ordered dinner, and it was going to be our first semi-fancy meal together. However, we were running late, and trivia night was about to start at the bar across the street. Trivia night was the main event of our evening, and we didn’t want to miss out on the first round.
Since we hadn’t been able to get through by phone to learn more details, Josh volunteered to walk over to the bar to check the schedule. I was impressed not only that he was thinking strategically, but also taking initiative. For me, this was a refreshing and most welcome experience on a date. I realize now this was probably the first time I experienced us operating like a team, even though we were just “casual” back then. It felt so grounding, collaborative and safe to be part of a team — with him.
Plan in place, Josh got up from his seat and came around the patio fence on his way to the street corner. As he passed, he looked at me affectionately and touched my shoulder over the fence. It was a small gesture that quietly communicated such warmth, reassurance and care that something shifted. As these comforting feelings washed over me, and I watched his gorgeous hair and perfect frame walk away, it hit me: I was in love with Josh.
Four months later, just after COVID hit, we started seeing each other every week, then twice a week or more. Not only did we have tons of fun — and great sex — we thoroughly enjoyed our rich conversations and each other’s quirky company. From the very first date, we demonstrated respect for each other despite our substantial differences. We cautiously bestowed, then courageously built trust — although it took me over a year to get there.
Together we’ve weathered a job loss (mine), a job demotion (his), big career and educational changes (both), national quarantine and civil unrest (everyone), the destruction of two cars (his), two medical procedures (mine), a road trip, and two big fights (unrelated to road trip). One year and one day after I fell in love with him, Josh and I made it “official”, and next week we’re going on a big vacation that involves tropical drinks on an island.
Josh is one of the best things to happen to me in many years. However, had I relied on “normal” dating algorithms, we would never have met. The boxes I checked in online dating apps would have eliminated him from my search results. The criteria I rattled off to friends and colleagues would have removed him from consideration — even if those friends and colleagues had him in their network, which they didn’t. Read the rest on Medium!
