The following is published in, and reproduced with permission from, choice, the magazine of professional coaching www.choice-online.
“That’s a self-limiting belief,” my coach insisted. “I think you’re more capable than you realize. I believe you can push through and still take action!”
I froze. A part of me launched into high alert: “Nope, that is NOT true and we are NOT going there!” Another part dove into a shame spiral: “You’re being a coward! What’s wrong with you? She’s an experienced coach, of course she’s right!” Yet another part dissolved into grief: “She doesn’t see you. She doesn’t understand. No one does – you’re all alone.”
Nine years later, I don’t remember my coach’s exact words. I don’t even remember what we were working on. I do remember how I felt in that moment. I do remember that that’s when I lost my trust in her.
I also remember that I didn’t book another session after that.
At the time, neither my coach nor I were aware that I’m a trauma survivor. If I’d known what trauma does to the nervous system, I might have been able to advocate for myself. If my coach had skill in trauma-informed coaching, she might have known not to push me or dismiss my “self-limiting belief.” Our relationship might have remained intact.
For half a century, I’ve been on a journey of suffering and healing that eventually involved three mental health diagnoses, multiple psychotherapists and therapeutic models, medication, various alternative and spiritual methods, and dozens of books and courses. I’ve been a coach for 13 years, and for three years I’ve been a certified facilitator of The Resilience Toolkit – a trauma-informed somatic modality that transformed my life.
Along my journey – which also includes 30 years in multiple roles related to diversity, inclusion, anti-racism and social justice – I’ve learned a lot about trauma. And while I’m grateful that the word “trauma” is losing its stigma, I notice that most people don’t fully understand what trauma is, and how it affects every aspect of our lives.
I believe it’s critical that coaches learn trauma-informed coaching, so we can best serve all our clients navigating the complex, overwhelming ecosystem of modern life.
TRAUMA: ACUTE & CHRONIC, WIDESPREAD & COMMON
Trauma isn’t just one horrible event in the past. Trauma is simply “too much, too fast,” or “too much, too soon.” It can also be “too much for too long” or “not enough for too long.” The body, not the brain, is where trauma lives. And the body doesn’t distinguish between acute (singular, intense) trauma and ongoing chronic stress. Spending years in a toxic workplace with inhumane expectations (too much) or growing up in a family with little-to-no-love (too little) can be just as devastating to our nervous systems as an assault or combat deployment.
By this definition, it’s not a question of whether someone carries trauma, but how much. These days, trauma is being carried not only by healthcare workers, teachers, hourly laborers and migrants, but also by parents, professionals, corporate employees and top executives. Trauma is being experienced by everyone navigating the world in black, brown, female, gender non-conforming and neurodivergent bodies.
Trauma is relational, institutional, environmental, intergenerational and historical – not just personal. And in 2023, exactly no one is living through global pandemics, economic uncertainty, institutional instability, political violence and climate chaos without trauma. Trauma-informed coaching equips coaches to hold space and be the compassionate, skilled allies that clients need right now. To read the rest of the article*, access the hard copy here!
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Well done Susan